How do you tell your spouse that you want a divorce? This is a question that we hear often – and that’s understandable. Even if you have reached the point in your marriage where you believe that divorce is the best option, this is still a difficult, uncomfortable, and often painful conversation to have. This can especially be true if the desire for divorce isn’t mutual or if you feel that your spouse may be blindsided and hurt by the news.
Understandably, you want to do what you can to prepare for such a meaningful conversation and to be sure that you approach your spouse in a way that minimizes emotional harm for both of you and lays the groundwork for an attitude of open communication and cooperation as you move forward with this journey. Let’s take a closer look at how you can do that and why it’s essential.
- Thoroughly Think it Through: This may seem as if it should go without saying – but in some cases, people act without thinking, even when deciding as big as divorce. Sometimes, in an emotional moment or a difficult season, you may say something you don’t mean. Divorce isn’t a decision to make quickly or take lightly, however. Instead, be sure you have thoroughly thought through your decision and put in the work you need to ensure it’s the right decision. This may mean meeting with a therapist or a counselor, alone or with your spouse. It may mean attempting a trial separation. Whatever it means, be sure you’ve genuinely thought the decision through before moving forward.
- Be Prepared: Just as no two people are alike, no two marriages are alike. In some cases, a marriage may end, and both spouses may want to work together to make the process go as smoothly as possible. In other cases, however, a spouse may not react as well to the news. Sometimes, people act uncharacteristically during a divorce. A spouse may attempt to hide money, redistribute assets, or engage in other behaviors that can be harmful. As a result, it’s essential to be prepared before having this conversation. It would be best to thoroughly understand your financial situation, including knowing all assets, debts, and accounts and how to access those accounts. It can also be helpful to consult with an attorney or a financial advisor before having this conversation if you think your spouse may react unpredictably.
- Choose an Appropriate Time and Place: As with any meaningful conversation, time and place are essential. Avoid approaching your spouse at the end of a tough day or amid a stressful or emotional moment. If you have children, it is undoubtedly best to make all efforts not to have this conversation when they are around. There will be a time and place to tell your children – but the initial conversation between you and your spouse is not that time. Try to find a quiet moment, with plenty of time for discussion, where interruptions will be unlikely. This will give you the time and space to discuss things thoroughly and express your feelings adequately. It will help the conversation go more smoothly, and you’ll feel more calm and able to discuss things openly.
- Avoid Blaming Your Spouse: Ultimately, a marriage comprises two people. All people have faults, and all people make mistakes. This means that when a marriage ends, two people are responsible – not just one. Even if you feel your spouse has engaged in behaviors that have hurt or driven you apart, it’s rarely productive to begin a conversation by placing blame and putting the other person on the defensive. Instead, it’s usually best to acknowledge that no one is to “blame” and that your marriage has ended for any number of reasons.
- Be Kind but Firm: It’s always best to be kind during difficult conversations. This doesn’t mean, however, that you shouldn’t also be firm. If you’ve genuinely thought through your decision and know that your choice is best for your family and your future, then be firm and confident. If you’ve thought it through, you won’t be doing yourself or your spouse a favor by backing away from the decision if that’s not truly what’s in your heart.
- Express a Desire for Communication and Cooperation: For your divorce to go smoothly and for your family to move through the process with the least amount of stress possible, the ideal situation is for you and your spouse to be able to cooperate and work together to find solutions to the issues you face. Doing so will benefit everyone in the long run.
These tips will help make a complex but essential conversation go smoothly. Although it won’t be easy, it can be successful, and it can be the start of a better and brighter chapter ahead.
The Law Office of Dustin McCrary – We’re Here For You
Telling your spouse that you want a divorce is a difficult moment. There’s no doubt about it. And the truth is, this journey will be difficult for many. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn’t giving you the whole story – and we believe you deserve the full story. Although divorce is difficult, it can also be the start of a bright new beginning. If you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to move forward to the next chapter of your journey, you need to know that the path will have twists and turns. You should also know that the final destination will be worth the effort. We’ll be here to walk with you every step of the way.