The truth about divorce is this – it’s painful. This is true whether you have been married for a few years or for 30 years, whether you wanted the divorce or whether you didn’t, whether you reached the decision mutually thinking it was for the best, or whether you were completely blindsided by it. Certainly, divorce is more painful in some cases than others, but the truth about all divorces is that after the dust settles, each person begins the process of trying to re-discover who they are as an individual and to move forward toward what is ideally a better and brighter chapter.
There are many ways to go about doing this. For some, it means letting go of old friendships and old social circles and finding new ones. For others, it may mean taking up new activities and hobbies. For still others, it may mean something as drastic as a career change or relocation. Even if you don’t choose something as drastic as a relocation however, it can be helpful to reinvent the space you live in after a divorce.
While many may feel very fortunate to keep their family home after a divorce, particularly if they have children, the truth is that in some ways, it can also be difficult. When you have shared living space with someone for years, it may feel strange and difficult to continue living in that same space exactly the way it was after they are no longer there. The question is, how do you go about reinventing that space and making it your own?
Certainly, if you have children, you may not want to change your space drastically. After all, divorce can be unsettling for them too, and in some ways, familiarity can be comforting. It is definitely advisable to allow your children to leave their bedrooms and personal living spaces as they would like to. For many children their room is their safe haven, a place where they are free to express themselves and keep their special personal items and where they can be comfortable and alone with their feelings. It is important that that space remain how your children wish it to be.
In other respects, however, there are certain ways you can reinvent your space that may brighten your mood and fit with your changing vision as you embark on a new chapter of your life. Some tips for beginning to do that include:
- Clear out the clutter: This is not necessarily just good advice for someone reinventing their space after a divorce, but is truly good advice for anyone wishing to feel more at ease and less overwhelmed in their home. The truth about excess clutter is that it can weigh us down and distract us, and then often it can keep us from feeling as calm and at ease as we want to. If you’ve gone through a divorce, one way you can begin to make your space your own is to clear out clutter belonging to your spouse that they have not reclaimed and that you no longer want. Certainly, there will be some items that have sentimental value – perhaps to you or to your children. A special gift, a family heirloom, a picture of a wonderful memory. Despite your divorce, these things may still have value to you, and the value may change and grow over time. If you feel uncertain about an item of this nature, you can always take the time you need to think it over before keeping or discarding it. In the meantime, however, there will be plenty of other items that you don’t need and don’t want. Donating or getting rid of those items can give you a new perspective on the space in your home, and can clear room for you to add new things that are valuable to you as you begin this new chapter. Some helpful tips for decluttering include:
- Start with the little things: Often, starting small can be best. Rather than immediately tackling a giant storage shed full of stuff, begin with a small closet or room in your home. As you get more comfortable with the decluttering process, you can move on to tackling bigger and more complex areas.
- Tackle one room at a time: It can be overwhelming to move from room to room trying to declutter everything at once. Start small. Take it a room at a time.
- Envision what you’d like the room to look like: Look through some decorating or design magazines. Spend some time looking on Pinterest for ideas. Ask friends how they decided on what to do with their space if you like the look and feel of their home. Having a clear vision for your space can help to keep you motivated as you work toward making that vision a reality.
- Consider your use for the item: One good way to determine whether or not you want to keep an item is to think about how often you truly use it. This is particularly true for items like kitchen utensils and appliances and closets full of clothes. Has it been months or even years since you’ve picked up the item, used it, or worn it? If so, getting rid of it might be a good idea.
- Pick out some paint: Understandably, divorce can often be costly. After the dust has settled, many people don’t have the funds to immediately go out and attempt large scale remodels of rooms in their homes, and that’s okay. There are still small things you can do to make your space feel new to you. One of those is changing the paint color in rooms around your house. Painting is a wonderful and very inexpensive way to begin to change the look of a room. Is there a color you’ve always wanted to try but that your spouse wasn’t crazy about? Go for it! On the other side of the coin, is there a room in your house that your spouse always loved but you never loved? Make it your own! The wonderful thing about paint is that if you don’t like it you can just paint over it again. Feel free to experiment with colors that boost your mood and help you to feel happy. It’s definitely worth the cost of a couple of gallons.
- Redecorate: After you’ve decluttered and you’ve made space for new things in your home, choose pieces of decor that make you feel happy and at peace. Certainly, you don’t need to rearrange all of the furniture in your home, but rearranging some rooms can give them a new feel. Adding a new piece of artwork or a new comfortable chair – maybe picking out a beautiful vase you love and filling it with fresh flowers – these are easy and simple things you can do to make an old room feel new. It’s also helpful to resist the urge to redecorate everything all at once. Chances are that you and your spouse didn’t accumulate everything you owned in one year, and it’s unreasonable to expect that you should redecorate that quickly. Over time, you will find pieces of furniture, knickknacks, artwork, heirlooms – things that mean something to you. Take the time to have experiences that give the items their meaning. You’ll be glad you did.
- Reclaim your bedroom: If there is one room in the house that you should perhaps begin redecorating and reclaiming first, it would likely be the bedroom. Of all of the rooms in your home, this is likely the room where you shared your most private and personal moments with your spouse. Perhaps, together, you filled it with things you found special and important to the two of you. Now, after your divorce, those very same things and that very same room may be upsetting to you. If it feels good to you to buy a new bed and you can afford it, then do it. You may want to repaint, purchase other new furniture, or repaint existing furniture. Perhaps you can replace pictures of the two of you with art pieces that speak to you, pictures of your children, vacation spots that make you happy, or anything else that brings you joy. Make the room your own. You’ll feel better after you did.
These are just a few tips out of many potential ways to reclaim and reinvent your space. Take your time as you reinvent and redecorate. Really think through what you want your home to be. Divorce can be a difficult time, and can easily cause you to feel as if you have lost sight of who you are. One of the wonderful things after a divorce is rediscovering yourself – finding your interests again, and remembering your own likes and dislikes. The joy of reinventing your home is expressing yourself and all that you are rediscovering. Choose things that bring you joy. Make your home a safe haven and a happy peaceful place where you enjoy being. You’ll be glad you did.