Divorce isn’t easy for anyone involved. It’s a painful process, and even though it may be necessary, it’s very emotional. There are a lot of difficult transitions and changes, and this can be frustrating for everyone – especially children. Moving from one home to two requires a great deal of adaptation and adjustment. Sometimes, for any number of reasons, children may be resistant to change. This can manifest itself in any number of ways. Unfortunately, it can, at times, mean that a child doesn’t want to spend time with one of their parents.
Reasons for Resistance
There can be any number of reasons why a child might not want to spend time with one of their parents. Some of those reasons include:
- The child wants to stay at the “home” with which they are most familiar. Divorce is a time full of a great deal of change. Sometimes, a child not wanting to visit with the other parent can be as simple as wanting the comfort and familiarity of the home they are most used to. They may have an attachment to the home because of the happy memories and feelings they have there, and because of the familiarity of their routines in the home. They may simply like the comfort of their own room. While the other parent’s new home may be very nice and while the parent may make a great deal of effort to ensure that the home is comfortable and ideally suited for children, it simply takes time in some cases for children to adjust.
- The child may have more friends at one home as opposed to another. Depending on the age of the child, this can be a big factor in affecting their desire to transition from one home to another. Particularly if they have lived in one home for long enough to make neighborhood friends, they may resist going to the other parent’s home if they don’t know as many other children. Certainly, with time, as the child adjusts to the new home, new friends will be made, and this issue will fade. Initially, however, depending upon the age of the child, friends may be a big factor in affecting whether they want to go to visit a parent or not.
- The child may have a conflict with certain activities when they visit the other parent. In still other cases, children may not want to stay with a particular parent because the parent is unable, for whatever reason, to take children to activities or events that they enjoy. Ideally, the goal is that both parents will be able to accommodate the children’s activities and ensure that they can attend important events, but this may be difficult if one parent has relocated to another city or state.,
- The child may blame one parent for the divorce. This issue is certainly a more difficult one from an emotional perspective. Depending on the child’s age, the child may have formed certain opinions about the reason for the end of the parent’s marriage. Particularly if one spouse has found another partner, the child may blame that spouse for the end of the marriage or may dislike the new partner. This can be even more complicated if the new partner has children and the couple is attempting a blended family. There can be any number of reasons why a child blames one parent over the other. After all, children often lack the emotional maturity and reason to see things from an adult perspective. As a result, it’s important to be understanding and patient with children as they work through their feelings and to be open to communicating and talking through those issues as they arise.
- The child feels unsafe. This is an extremely serious concern. If a child feels unsafe with one parent, this is a matter that should always be thoroughly investigated. There could be any number of reasons for the anxiety and fear. One parent might be abusing substances. A parent could be abusive to the children. A parent could have an anger problem. The parent could be distant and unattached after dealing with the emotional stress of a divorce. For any number of reasons, a child might feel unsafe and in these situations, there is an obligation to determine whether or not the environment is truly unsafe. Certainly, every child deserves to feel safe and loved, and comfortable in their home, and both parents should work toward making sure this is always the case. Any refusal to visit due to safety concerns should be brought to the attention of legal professionals and other appropriate authorities immediately to be investigated and addressed, as necessary.
These are only a few potential reasons of many that may explain why a child doesn’t want to spend time with a particular parent following a divorce. Certainly, every family is different. You know your own family best, and you know your own children. Whatever the reasons are in your case, it is important to try to work through the issues and move forward as best as possible.
Helping Children Through Difficulties During Divorce
While safety concerns are a different situation, if the reason a child does not want to visit with another parent is not safety-related, the parents should work together to address the problem and ensure that the child can resume visitation as soon as possible. Ultimately, family courts want co-parents to work together and encourage their children to spend time with each parent. Indeed, courts often look very unfavorably upon a parent who appears to be preventing visitations or making visitations difficult.
As a result, if your child is refusing to visit with the other parent, it is essential to realize that there are ways to address the situation in a positive manner and hopefully find solutions. Some options may include:
- Talking openly with the child. Divorce can be emotionally painful for children in several ways. Talking through those emotions with a parent or with a trained therapist can be extremely helpful. Often, it can be difficult for children to effectively work through and process all of their emotions. Simply being open and available to talk can be tremendously helpful. Let your child express his or her feelings without judgment. Truly listen to what they have to say. When you respond, do so calmly and with understanding. Allow your child to feel heard and to know that his or her opinions are valuable.
- Continue to facilitate visitation. Even if the child may express a desire not to spend time with one parent if that parent is loving and attentive, both parents must continue to make an effort to ensure that the child spends time with each of them. This may mean making adjustments at first. It could mean gradually easing back into spending time together, or the parent coming to spend time with the child in a setting that is comfortable. It will mean being patient. It will mean being willing to work through the issues with the child until they are ready to resume visitation as scheduled – but a parent should never abandon the goal of spending quality time with the child whenever possible.
While these steps are important, it is again essential to remember that you know your children and your family best. You will know the best steps to take to help your child through whatever issues they are facing and to move toward better times ahead. At The Law Office of Dustin McCrary, we’re here to help you do that.
CALL THE LAW OFFICE OF DUSTIN MCCRARY TODAY
As a parent, you love your children. You want what’s best for them. You want to help them through the divorce process, and onto the next chapter ahead in the best way you can. At The Law Office of Dustin McCrary, we know that in a process full of complicated issues, no issue is more important to most parents than those pertaining to their children. We understand every aspect of divorce law, and beyond understanding the law, we also understand the dynamics of the issues you’re facing. We’re here to help you get through them, find solutions that work best for your family, and move forward toward a brighter future. If you’re ready to take the first step, give us a call. We look forward to speaking with you soon.