During the course of your divorce, you will likely confront a wide variety of issues. There is perhaps no issue more important to most parents, however, than child custody. After all, most parents love their children deeply and always want to do what’s best for them. The trouble is, sometimes, in the midst of divorce – when emotions are running high – it’s hard to know what that might be. Many parents decide to engage in child custody mediation to find solutions to these important custody issues.
Child custody mediation can be an excellent option for families looking to find solutions that truly work best for their children and their lifestyle. Let’s take a closer look at what a child custody mediation is and what you should (and shouldn’t) do to increase the chances of making that mediation successful.
What is a Child Custody Mediation?
Today, more than ever, divorcing couples are attempting to resolve their issues outside of a courtroom. Doing so often saves time and money and avoids the stress associated with prolonged courtroom litigation. Mediation is one very popular method of alternative dispute resolution.
During a mediation, the couple (and often their attorneys) meet with a neutral and objective third party known as a mediator. The mediator’s job is to encourage and facilitate conversation and cooperation between the parties regarding the various issues they confront during a divorce.
Child custody mediation is centered specifically on the issue of child custody. The parents meet with the mediator and attempt to reach an agreement on physical and legal custody of their children. During the mediation, each spouse will have an opportunity to explain their views on different issues important to the child custody decision, and the parties will work together with the mediator toward solutions that are satisfactory for everyone involved. Issues that may be addressed include custody and visitation schedules, child support, travel and work schedules, and issues related to education, health, and religion, among many other topics.
Before the mediation, it is always wise to spend time talking with your attorney regarding the issues that are most important to you. Truly make an effort to think through what an ideal custody arrangement might look like for your family. Think about areas where you might (or might not) be able to compromise. Doing so will help you go into the mediation with peace of mind, knowing that you are informed and prepared.
How to Increase Your Chances of a Successful Mediation
In addition to thinking through the issues themselves, it’s also wise to prepare yourself mentally for the conversations you might have with your spouse and how you can do so respectfully and with an attitude that encourages cooperation, communication, and compromise.
Today, couples usually have a great deal of flexibility in making decisions regarding child custody – but getting to the point where you’re ready to make the decisions will require a productive and positive conversation where both spouses feel seen and heard. It will mean avoiding certain behaviors and putting hard feelings aside. We’ve got a few tips to hopefully help you achieve that goal.
- Avoid negative comments about the other parent: It’s understandable to be angry during the divorce; depending on the circumstances, you may be very angry. You may feel like your spouse wasn’t who you believed they were. You may even feel betrayed. All of those feelings are normal and understandable, but there is a time and place to discuss them. A child custody mediation is not that place. If at all possible, avoid saying negative things to or about the other parent. As a general rule, most people respond better to kindness and are willing to cooperate more when they do not feel as if they are under attack. The same is likely true of your spouse during the mediation process. Save the difficult conversations about personal matters between you for later. Avoid the insults and anger. Try as best you can to address your spouse and the mediation process from a place of positivity and openness toward working together.
- Avoid emotional outbursts: This one may not be easy, but it is important. In mediation, as in any negotiation, not everything will necessarily go your way. The entire point is to work together and cooperate to reach shared solutions. As a result, if you find yourself upset or discouraged by a particular aspect of negotiations, try to bring it up calmly and rationally. Avoid emotional outbursts if at all possible. It can make everyone feel unsettled and take away from the goal of working toward real resolutions.
- Be open to compromise: Sometimes, people think of divorce and imagine a television drama where an angry couple and their attorneys are battling it out over every issue. Mediation is not that situation. You have to go into the conversation knowing beforehand that you will have to compromise on some things. Certainly, there may be some issues about which you are absolutely unwilling to compromise – issues involving the safety and health of your children. But there may be other issues where you need to be willing to give some ground. Being willing to compromise on minor issues may lead to successful negotiations on more important matters.
- Don’t be possessive: Sometimes, one spouse might refer to the children as “my children” instead of “our children.” This may not be intentional, and there may be no ill will behind it, but it can often make the other spouse feel bad and put them in a position where they are less willing to communicate and compromise. It may seem like a small point, but it’s an important one. Although you may no longer share a marriage or a home, you will always share the journey of parenthood, so it’s important not to make the other parent feel excluded.
These are only a few tips, but we hope that they are helpful. Of course, this advice is no substitute for meeting with an attorney in person and discussing your specific issues. You’ll want to go into the mediation feeling prepared, and with the peace of mind, you need. At The Law Office of Dustin McCrary, we’re here for you. To prepare for your session, you may watch the official orientation video provided by the North Carolina Judicial Branch, which outlines what to expect during mediation
The Law Office of Dustin McCrary – Here for You Each Step of the Way
At The Law Office of Dustin McCrary, we know that you love your children more than anything. We know that you want to do what’s best for them. We know that you try every day to make that happen. We also know how overwhelming the divorce process can feel at times and how stressful it can be to wonder if you are making the right choices for your children. That’s why we’re here to help. We understand child custody law and are very familiar with the issues parents commonly face. We want to help you find solutions for those issues and work toward shared goals. We know that this journey won’t always be easy, but it can definitely be worth it. If you’re ready to get started, give us a call today. We look forward to speaking with you soon.