Even in the best of circumstances, even when both spouses recognize that divorce is for the best and are willing to work together to make the process as smooth and successful as possible, it still isn’t always easy. That’s just the nature of the process. Unfortunately, if your spouse is unwilling to cooperate and compromise and is known to engage in emotional manipulation and mental games, divorce will definitely take on added layers of difficulty and complexity. This is often the case when one spouse has a narcissistic personality disorder.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are preparing to divorce a narcissist, you may have any number of questions, and that’s understandable. You may worry about how your spouse’s narcissism will affect various issues in the divorce. You may worry about how you will protect yourself, your children, and your finances. Today, we want to discuss this latter topic. Unfortunately, when divorcing a narcissist, you may need to take added steps to protect yourself and your finances during a divorce. Let’s take a closer look at some steps you can take to do that.

What is Narcissism?

If you have been married to a narcissist for any length of time, you probably already have a fairly good idea of what narcissism is. In essence, a narcissist is a person who feels “all-important” and as if they should be the center of admiration and attention. Narcissists often exhibit an excessive need for others to notice, compliment, and admire them because they have an inflated sense of self-importance. Typically, they also lack empathy for others – even though, in certain situations, they may pretend to care for the feelings of others, it is often only to get something they want in return. Narcissists can often be manipulative and deceptive, and they can become very angry when they do not get their way. This often manifests in a desire to control others and in behaviors like gaslighting, love-bombing, and abuse of various forms. As we have discussed, financial abuse is one type of abuse in which narcissists are commonly known to engage.

How to Identify Financial Abuse During Your Divorce

Divorcing a narcissist can be difficult in any number of ways, but one of the ways in which it can be perhaps most difficult is financial. Narcissists are known for manipulation and deception. There is no exception when it comes to finances. Often, narcissists engage in tactics that essentially amount to financial abuse, and if they behave this way during the marriage, divorce will be no different.

Sometimes, in cases of financial abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you may feel as if your situation is hopeless and overwhelming. While it’s normal to feel that way, the good news is you do have options available, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself and move forward and toward a better future.

You may wonder what methods a narcissist might use to try to assert control financially during a divorce, or you may be all too familiar with their tactics already. Some of these behaviors include:

• Manipulating financial information: Narcissists may intentionally provide misleading, incomplete, or even incorrect information during the divorce process. They may deliberately withhold documents they are required to provide or fail to disclose information they are obligated to share. This deceptive and manipulative behavior makes it difficult to truly have an accurate understanding of marital assets and debts.

• Hiding assets: In addition to refusing to cooperate during the discovery process, a narcissist may go so far as to attempt to conceal or hide marital assets during your divorce. This may include setting up secret accounts, underreporting their income, or engaging in other patterns of financial deception to conceal the actual value of the assets they hold.

• Using money as a form of control: Unfortunately, narcissists have also been known to withhold temporary spousal support or child support that the other spouse should be receiving during the separation process and even after the divorce has been finalized. Prior to the finalization of the divorce, they may also take actions such as draining joint bank accounts, intentionally accumulating debt in the other spouse’s name, or prolonging the divorce proceedings to cause the other spouse to incur high bills and unnecessary costs. Sadly, these behaviors are often intentional and intended to cause financial harm.

These are only a few examples of different behaviors that narcissists have been known to engage in. Unfortunately, during a divorce process, abusive financial behaviors can be even more extreme than they were during a divorce. Well, this may be overwhelming and scary to think about, but the good news is that there are steps you can take to protect yourself.

How to Protect Yourself From Financial Abuse During Divorce 

Resisting financial manipulation and gathering the evidence you need to protect yourself and assert your rights may not be easy – but it is an effort that will be well worth it, however. You deserve to be free from financial abuse and to move forward toward your next chapter and a future that includes financial freedom. Some steps you may want to take to protect yourself include:

• Hiring a knowledgeable and experienced attorney: This is the first and most important step you can take when it comes to the divorce process, generally, and protecting yourself financially when divorcing a narcissist is no exception. When trying to sort through behavior patterns and determine the best course of action, guidance from an attorney who has experience with such behaviors can make a tremendous difference. When you are personally involved in a situation, it can be challenging to see clearly, especially if you are unfamiliar with the law and your potential rights. The right attorney can help you make informed decisions for your situation.

• Maintain thorough documentation: In a divorce, gathering evidence to support your case is crucial. Financial abuse is no exception. It would be wise to keep careful journals and records of any strange financial behavior on the part of your spouse that you notice. You may receive calls from bill collectors regarding bills you were not aware of. You may know your spouse is a high earner, but you never seem to have sufficient money in your bank account. Maybe statements show up in the mail from a bank you’ve never heard of. Perhaps your spouse makes large and unexplained withdrawals from your account. These are only a few behaviors of many that you will want to keep track of. Providing that information to a judge may be an essential part of proving your case.

• Engage in diligent discovery: During the divorce, and in many other legal matters, the term “discovery” means, somewhat as it sounds, “discovering” information that will be important for your case. The process of taking depositions and exchanging interrogatories and requests for specific documents will ideally help you obtain a clearer picture of your true financial situation. If you believe that your soon-to-be ex may be hiding assets and engaging in financial deception, using the discovery process to your advantage can be tremendously helpful. Certainly, it is true that your spouse might not participate in this process willingly, particularly if s they are a narcissist. However, a knowledgeable attorney will understand how to use the divorce process to your advantage. It may require filing subpoenas and motions to compel your spouse to cooperate, but that’s part of what a knowledgeable and experienced attorney should be able to do.

Certainly, it is true that if your spouse has been engaging in narcissistic behavior for some time, it is unlikely that using one of these methods alone will completely solve the problem. Ideally, however, using these methods and other advice that your attorney may provide should help you resist financial manipulation during your divorce and move confidently toward a future of financial freedom.

The Law Office Of Dustin McCrary – Here For You

If you’ve been in a marriage with a narcissist for any length of time, and you have finally realized that you are ready to move forward with divorce, you may be feeling any number of emotions. You may be anxious and overwhelmed, worried about how your spouse will react and whether you’re doing all you can to protect your rights. On the other hand, you may feel a sense of relief and optimism about a better future ahead. Those are the feelings you should focus on. While divorce won’t be an easy process, it is a process that can be well worth it. You need the right guide on your side to help you through it.

At the Law Office of Dustin McCrary, we are here to do exactly that. Wherever you are in this process, we’ll meet you there and walk with you each step of the way on this journey. If you’re ready to take the first step today, fill our contact form or give us a call. We look forward to speaking with you soon.